Survival of the fittest

Ok so we take a jump from school life to college life and more so hostel life
Well this was somewhat of a defining part of my life wherein I felt so many changes that I’ve never felt before
Living out from the house for the first time in life was an experience in itself
No no don’t think it was great it was for others but for me it was a total hell as I found out….
It may seem strange to you and to me also but why and how it went like that I don’t know! May be it was all in the mind and nothing could supersede that…..
When I left for vellore for MCA from delhi I was full of hope and dreams of how would life treat me there
Studies and all as expected were pretty competitive but the most difficult aspect of life that I faced was staying alive….
I wasn’t able to consume anything that I would eat there. I would vomit what ever I ate…..
Things were so bad that when I used to go to the mess I would be running to the wash basin after eating a bite to empty my stomach while others were filling theirs.
Strangely I had not been ill or sick and neither I had been allergic to something
On the site of the food I would fear to death and would be challenging myself again and again to eat it….
In the whole part of the day the time that I would fear the most was lunch and dinner as breakfast was more ok affair if not good as I would drink one glass of milk and 4 slices of bread…
Apart from studying survival was also one of my objectives. To study I had to live and to live I had to eat something.
So the schedule that chalked up was something like this:
Breakfast- 4 slices, 1 glass of milk
Lunch- 2/3 chapatis, bowl of dal, 3 bowls of curd, 1 full plate of cucumber..
Dinner – 2 chapatis, bowl of dal, 1 glass of milk, 3-6 bananas
And mind you this was the food that I was able to adapt a bit after a month there….

But that initial month was horrible I would not eat anything at all…
All I would do in a day was a glass or two of milk, some bread slices, maggi, juice and some itsy bitsy things
So one fine day for other and not for other we woke up to go to college campus…
But I could find myself feeling tired and dizzy, I asked Dahiya and neeraj to see whether I am having fever and they confirmed the same….
So here I was bed ridden. In the whole day I didn’t ate anything and was lying on the bed and if u come and stay in the hostel room in the day time when no-1’s around its tough like hell no one to talk to and nothing to do also apart from losing one precious day of studies.
Well I managed to spend the day and waited for the friends to come, in the whole day I had taken only cup of tea and some bread nothing else
So in the evening when every one returned and came to know of me 1 by 1 people entered and surrounded my bed as it was my last rites.
They requested, scolded, preached……me in their own way to let me have something and this is not the way to live…..
I still remember that day as almost everyone in my batch came to visit me and left me with a touch of care of friendship….guys I love u all and wont forget you…..

Just got Bailed~Failed

Ok so we are back in school days….
It was 7th standard of my education and I don’t know how come this trend or notion was there in my head
That it gets tougher once you pass 6th and move into 7th grade, it is as if u are getting prepared for board exams
Suddenly I started realizing that I am finding it pretty hard to study and get good marks that I used to get before.
There was a sudden dip in my form and scoring prowess, it was not as if I was not able to study but I was finding it hard to score marks as freely as I used to score.
Also there was a trend in our school that after 6th there used to occur more no of unit test, class tests, surprise tests and I used to find myself in a very uncomfortable and inconvenient position at those times.
Confused as I was didn’t know what to do abt it, a lot of soul searching and I was amazed why my scoring ways were not the same as it used to be. I fondly remember as we were best of three frnds myself, vinay and Anshul I used to score the highest but it started to decline.
What was happening to me?
Why am I not able to pass with high marks?
Why am I struggling to find answers to questions in exam and in life?
But as it dawned on me like a dark cloud I knew within my inner conscious that I am not the same as I thought of myself, I am just an ordinary any one type guy….i was just AVERAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes this was the hard fact that I was running away from it
May be the studies were a bit lenient till now and I was getting marks pretty easily till now but not anymore
So there goes the story
One fine day to my surprise but not for others we had this unit test of science and in the middle of the exam I realized that I better do something or I’ll get somewhere in the middle(marks)
So by some courage I took out the class copy and started to find answers to some of the questions but not many times luck favors you and I was caught by this teacher who was not the science teacher but was a replacement for her to conduct exam as she was on leave.
I begged her and she forgave me as it was not a cardinal sin of copying or cheating in an end sem exam
But there was a trend in the school those days, any one caught cheating and 5 marks would be deducted and so too mine were done. I again asked for forgiveness and she obliged and cut of the -5 that she awarded me.
When the time came for ans scripts distribution the original teacher asked me how come I have this -5 striked off in the answer sheet? I could provide no answer to the question as any explanation could have fetched me -5 again… so I kept quite and she gave a beautiful lecture in the middle of the class…
After she finished she asked me didn’t I feel guilty to the thing and didn’t even feel sorry for the same..
Before I could say something this guy Rahul verma said “ mam he just said sorry, you were too busy to listen”.
To the disappointment of teacher she felt a bit bad about that and gave me back my answer, I went back and said thanks to Rahul in a gestured way. I knew and he knew I never uttered a word forget sorry….
All this happened and I was feeling a bit shy and shameful…but what the heck time to check out the marks
But no surprises here …………..AVERAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It Feels like BUGged...!!!

Why does it happens that some things in life takes precedence over everything
they make life go haywire....
I know someone will pounce on me for various reasons there are
some are justified some will be not
why is it that all u do with whole heartedness seem to go waste if it fails for trivial things
as if the whole world has been turned upside down....
I think whatever u do how much effort u seem to put in it counts for nothing if the other person doesn't realizes the effort and importance u have given to it....

Staring at the Door-Steps

I just can't beleive what has transpired during the past week since i wrote about that blog on world-cup
so much has happened that anything more unexpected would not cause any surprises
pakistan out in the first round with India following the suit(i pray not at all) , bob woolmer's death or murder followed it up....
they called that this was a game of un-certainities but please don't throw us uncertainities that are hard to digest.
today would be a path breaking game for Indian team and more so for the followers of Indian team's fortunes.
It can take them through to super 8's with all the ooze and confidence or it can bring them down and make them bite the dust...
all the hard-work of months, all those experiments, chopping & changing , a place in the semi's and from there on it can be anyone's game are a thing of the past and look so trivial as compared to the magnitude of task on hand
all of India waits with bated-breath for the match to start and no-matter how much we boast of our abilties and capabilities or the strength of the opponent team there would be a prayer on every fan's lips and aspiration in his eyes.

We shouldn’t be surprised if India were to make an early exit out of the tournament, which would mean so many things in many ways:

All the sponsors and broadcasters millions going down the drain.
Anguish among the nation about the performance
Media bashing of the team

Well these are the apparent things which strike everyone’s notice. But if we think deep inside that it is none other than us the followers and fans of the games that have created all the hype and hoopla surrounding our teams world cup campaign. Sure we love the game but if we put ourselves into the shoes of the players then we would be able to think how much they also would suffer. I am sure if there was no monetary benefit involved in the game then also the players would have loved to play and represent their countries. Just think of it if we lose today all the 35000+ runs of Sachin, Rahul and sourav would be a waste but do you think they would also do that. They are also humans after all and like everyone of us would try to excel. Accepted that they didn’t performed to their abilities against b’desh but now is the time of reckoning.
I am sure they would stand up and be counted for as their no other better time and place to do that except now. A total 100% effort from each individual is reqd and the rest as they – you do the hardwork and the results will take care of themselves.

If India lose today I would be a dejected man but we should lose with dignity.

Short Snippets

there are many days when life comes in front of you as a quiz master and puts forth some tough questions
qustions that are made by you and you can only answer...
questions that are so simple to ask and simple to think
the answers to them lie within your sub-conscious and inner-self
the hard part is to answer them as the answers may well change the course of your life
but why to answer them? or why to put the questions at all?
1. you can't run away from them.
2. you can't ignore them.
3. they are the questions of your life

but above all they hold a significance in your life as to why they have come up else they would have been long thrown in the dustbin just like the other crap!
so why to write all this now! here ! and why! because to escape them again but no matter what i say or what i do there are some answers still unanswered.

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more to be written....

World Cup is here again!

So here we are again! At this time of the year where the mood is all about one thing? No its not something else that you might tempt to think but cricket. Yes its that time of the year that everything stops and just one thing runs and that’s cricket! In our veins and in our blood… well not fast as it used to some years back due to some non cricketing fraternity that I’ve get to deal with when I go back home.

But as it would be I thought of just taking a twist from my usual self describing and lets be a bit interactive and chatty.. so here I am presenting to you all the judges in this court of bat and ball the cases of different teams:

We would start alphabetically so that there is no partiality:
Australia- with 2 back to back world cup wins under their belt they seem destined to win this one also only to put some doubt in to our minds with their 5 losses in last 7 games. Well this doesn’t happen any time so easily with aussies so it is a matter to look out by other teams. With such an inspirational and free scoring captain and player in their ranks ricky ponting or the punter they look as the most serious contenders to win this world cup. I am surely tempted enough like anyone to put their money on them to play safe but the gut feel says that something is about to happen this time. The player to watch out from them is Hussey and tait may be the surprise package. Don’t ever rule out gilly or gilchrist my favorite player both in test and ODI just the way he plays and conducts himself.

England- don’t want to discuss much about them and don’t read much into their wins in the CB series recently against the Aussies because they are not a confident unit all the time. If they can get some of their confidence back they can play well. A semis place would be a good achievement for them as far as I think. Players to watch out – Kevin Peterson. He can really infuse some enthusiasm in them by his displays.


India- Our home team our mother land. Well heart beats for them to win but there is always that element of doubt that keeps them always striving for something extra. May be this in the syche of every Indian that makes him feel like that on a big stage. Tagged as one of the hot favorites to win the tournament along with Aussies and s.africa. The slow and low pitches should suit them as everyone keeps saying but what happened in the last year’s series against the West Indies. Nothing can be said according to that and also nothing should be over hyped or over expected out of the experience and the talent that the team posses. It is the performance of the 11 on the field on that day how well they play and support each other that matters the most. They have the ammunition to knock the winds out of any one but be wary of the Australians, they have tend to develop some mental block in recent time that they are not able to win against them give any where and any condition some sort of team phobia that they had against the pak some years back which they have overcome. I feel an inspirational performance from some one (any one ) can break this jinx which should take them all the way through. Though I don’t undermine other teams but I believe this team has the potential to reach the finals and win it also provided they don’t feel the pressure of their own expectations. Players to watch out – Rahul Dravid the back bone of the team, his performance in the middle order would guide the teams total after a good/poor start. Exciting talent of Uthappa should help us win at least one match. Bowlers to watch out – Agarkar and Sachin. Apart from this Sachin would want to leave a lasting impression on the sands of time and Caribbean. Go for it and give it your best shot.

New Zealand – The team as has shown to the whole world have risen up to the challenge and have given all the contenders a head ache. They are a team of some pretty mid-talented but very hard working, some good and a couple of class players in their ranks. They are blessed with some pretty good all-rounders. With their current performances against the aussies some serious chinks in austrailia’s armour have been surfaced which can work to the advantage of other teams. Players to watch out – Ross Taylor their up coming one of the most promising young talent all of 22yrs in age. Star perfomers over the time – Stephen fleming again the most talented and respected leader of packs around the world, and bond – shane bond the fiery cop from the kiwi land. Looking pretty to make the semi finals.

Pakistan – Your guess is as good as mine. As everyone has said about them – they are brilliant one day but opposite the other. Unfortunately the latter comes true for them more often as compared to the previous one. They have in their team inzi, 2 Y’s- Younis and Yousuf who form the bulk of batting. Opening is in shambles and their seems no quick fix solution as for some time to come. The bowling without Akhtar and Asif can be a blessing in dis-guise more so considering the case of akhtar as he himself reflects the true nature of their cricket – brilliant at times and fickle at other. Asif surely would be missed and without razzaq surely it has depleted further but they still seem pretty good bowling outfit with an Umar gul and kaneria provided they rise up to the occasion and be counted for. Afridi lends a doubt in the team with his batting showing more of a fluke rather than pure character. All said and done you cant count them out as they showed in 1992 with that 1 point that they got against English which helped them qualify for semi finals and eventually winning finals. Players to watch – kaneria and aloo.

S Africa – I think it is pretty unfair to say that they are the great chokers of world cricket. Well I don’t agree with the genuine-ness of the statement. It is agreed that they did choked at crucial junctures but it is not a universal fact that they have done it every other time. In ’92 the rain rule did them in. In ’96 lara’s brilliance robbed a place in the last 8 for them. In ’99 which was widely discussed for the two matches this team played against Australia. The first one was the last super six match in which the famous ball dropping incident of gibbs happened. Well that was sheer bad-luck by gibbs who dropped it. In the semi-final they required 9 of the last over to win the match and klusener hits 2 powerful boundaries of the first 2 balls of Damien fleming’s over so scroes tied. Now in the next ball he takes off for a single and unfortunately gets Donald run out the non-striker at other end. Did they choked I don’t think so. I still remember the frustration on the faces of the Australians when klusener was hitting those boundaries they looked so desperate and helpless against the assault by him. No one remembers that the innings he played under pressure hitting two fours in the last over and only last wicket left and that too in a world cup semi final. Well that was sheer brilliance and proper stupidity rather than choking to get out at that stage. The Australians were having the luck on their side else we would have some other winner. But that’s one great aspect of Australians or you call anything that they have got themselves out of such situations in more than 1 occasion. In 2003 the miscalculation got the better of them. The only incidents that I can recall seeing them choke is in the hero cup, titan cup, and a couple of more tournaments. But they have improved in that aspect also else how can they chase down 434 against the mighty Australians. Shouldn’t we now say Australians choked? Players to watch – Pollock he’s revived himself like anything, Justin kemp and boucher.

Srilanka – The team from the emerald islands, they have been on a roll for sometime till their juggernaut was stopped by the Indians in the last series. They should do well and get their place booked in the semis. They have in them some of the best exponents of slow bowling that they can use in these sort of pitches. Murali and the marauder from marata jayasuriya who has gained his vintage self. They are a good enough team to outplay anyone on their day as shown by them in the last years CB series in Australia where they nearly toppled their apple car. They can go a long way, the only thing missing from their ranks is some one as solid as desilva who was a rock in the middle ordrer. The likes of attapattu and jayawardene are good but not great like a deSilva. Players to watch out for – jayasuriya, tharanga and murali.

West Indies – They are the host and its been a record that none of the hosts have lifted the cup so can it be them? Only time will tell but I can tell according to my gut feeling they don’t have in them what it takes to become a champion. Though they are the dark horses but their race can only go as far as semi final. Though lara & co. can defy me and them but it is yet to be done which I don’t believe they can. They play well as a unit on a day but can fall apart amazingly the other day like nine-pins. They played some good cricket in the last season reaching the finals of champions trophy and in Malaysia only to loose to Australia. They also won against India but then lost in the return series. They also lack something which is the last killer punch or the final nail in the coffin and they have missed those close encounters time and again that they don’t enthuse any confidence anymore that they can eventually finish till the end. Players to watch out – Lara may play a swansong before he bows out, Bravo – has one of the deadliest of slower balls in the game.

Well with all these descriptions I leave you all to think and pass your judgments through the comments section.May the best team wins and it is INDIA!!!!

A Far Cry from the past(Just Like that)

This was something that I was telling anu & shrestha the other day.
I don't know why i said this bit it just strike me and I started this.
It was in the end of winter’s of 1999 guess it was Feb or March
India Vs Pakistan (1st test match- chennai)
India had to chase down somewhere in the vicinity of 260-270 odd runs...in the last innings after that fluke innings of sheer madness from the pathan of pak - shahid afridi....
India started badly losing its openers very cheap and then the loss of Dravid and Ganguly in a very strange manner in which the ball from saqlain ricocheted of his boots and into the close in catcher...
India bent and in pain similar to the paining back of one Sachin Tendulkar started the fight back along with good support from nayan mongia who has now lost in the dusty winds of match-fixing history in Indian Cricket....
As Sachin started hitting the ball from the middle and with more regularity the more it started to grapple the spectators and his back...
Soon he was taking India to a famous coming from the back victory not seen much in the history of Indian cricket.But then the fate eventually strikes- saqlain( then the best offie in th world) bowled his doosra and Sachin playing it not anticipating the doosra a shot towards deep mid-wicket but the ball ballooned in the opposite direction. And the man under it was none other than Pakistan's inspirational captain(then) wasim akram. Every one including him and Sachin had their hearts in their mouth as it was such a crucial incident in the match. I still feel had it been some one else in the field other than wasim the chances of dropping that catch (due to the pressure itself) would have gone up by 50%, but not wasim it was his day to be and he took the catch with comfortable ease.And as it turned out India after Sachin could muster only 6 more runs and lost by a narrow margin of 12 runs or so.
So much was I heart broken that I couldn’t imagine what has just happened. After putting in so much and still so far to go had been India’s and in particular that of some Sachin’s story that day. Every purist in the game blamed of sort to Sachin that he should have finished the business and should have seen his side home rather than bow out like that.
In the post match ceremony he was announced as man of the match and that too on being on the losing side, he wasn’t able to come out and take the prize himself as he was getting treated upon for back spasms. In the papers the next day full of stories from the match it was written that after Sachin got out and he went back to the pavilion he saw other players crumble under pressure there was only one thing he did and that was cry!!!
He cried and cried and cried. It is all but natural to feel like that after putting so much effort and against the odds.

At least he showed the courage unlike me to let the tears flow from his eyes where as I was just my numb self.

Thereafter I still feel that an effort to succeed also values just like achieving the success!